Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Snow Black and The Handsome Family

A few weeks ago I went to the Sage in Gateshead to see "The Handsome Family" they played lots of my favourite songs and had good on stage banter.Rennie was wearing a really nice dress with floaty sleeves which I'd have liked to have stolen. Some of their songs are about places that they have lived in America, they're living in Albuquerque, New Mexico now. I think I will run away there this summer and go and join their band, I can't play any instruments, or sing, but I could fill a suitcase full of lace dresses, and some velvet, and some with cool sleeves, so I'd fit right in. I'll run away in my long black lace dress that looks a bit like a nightgown, and wear my old doc martens because they will never wear out.

Friday, 27 May 2011

Bon Voyage Big brother

Today my Big Brother has flown to Vancouver to study for a year, this is the third time he has gone to live abroad in the last 8 years (some of my friends now sing this to me when i talk about him traveling...)and I always miss him when he's gone. This time I hope he gets to stay there longer, so big brother, you either need to find a really good job over there or marry a nice Canadian girl and get a visa, or both. If you get to move there for good I will come and visit in the winter when its snowy up in the mountains. We'll go up Grouse Mountain like we did a few years ago, We'll sit inside next to a big fire with really big mugs of hot chocolate with cream, marshmallows and sprinkly bits on top. I can wear my patterned Christmas cardigan because its the only time of year when it doesn't look ridiculous and we can watch people outside skiing and ice skating. We'll talk about our love for old south park episodes, and i'll even forgive you for drawing bum cracks on my my little ponies when we were little, but only if you forgive me for recording over your guns and roses tape with me singing east 17.

Monday, 23 May 2011

Snow Black and The Scheme

Last week i watched The Scheme for the first time, its a Documentary series following six families living in a housing scheme in Kilmarnock, its on again tonight so i'm setting up the subtitles so i can understand what they're saying. My favorite character is Kimberley, a girl whose parents encourage her to go dancing to keep her away from drugs, she has loads of lycra and sparkly dance outfits and has a stupid amount of oversized trophies. She competes in dance competitions in a sports hall where all the girls wear loads of make up and insane false eyelashes and put on their shiniest lycra outfits to out-bling each other. They then dance around the room, elbowing each other out of the way, causing nose bleeds and black eyes, to get noticed by the judges and get a huge trophy.
I would love to dress up in Kimberley's outfit from the last episode, an all in one lycra number, with mad feathers in my hair. I'd push all them other girls out of the way and be a dance champion, i'd dance to this, and the judges would think i was so amazing that i'd get the biggest trophy of them all. The only thing i couldn't do is the fake tan, i'd rather be pale than have to wear paper pants while someone sprayed me orange.

Monday, 9 May 2011

Afternoon tea in a bikini?

On Saturday I put on a nice dress and went to Fortnum and Mason in London for afternoon tea with some friends. Their dress code had us worried-"We kindly request that both sexes lean more towards elegance than beach" We all managed to avoid wearing bikinis and flip flops but i'm not quite sure if i pulled off elegance..
I think afternoon teas would be even more fun if they did let you wear your beachwear, i'd wear one of my long beach dresses over my bikini and wear my heart shaped sunglasses so no one could tell when i needed a nap after so much food. In my afternoon tea beach dream everyone would get their own big sofa to lie out on,and all the decor would be a bit 1960s/1970s instead of classic georgian style, they would serve coconut and champagne cocktails from their teapots, ice cream sandwiches instead of scones and fresh strawberries and mr whippy ice creams instead of cake. Everyone would be nicely tipsy and on a good sugar high and they would play some music like the doors-love street

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Snow Black tries the Trapeze

I'm listening to- Marilyn Monroe-Do it again

Yesterday I spent the afternoon hanging upside down on a trapeze, it is weird at first being upside down and not being 10, and the backs of my knees are a bruised from hanging on so tight. I have mastered getting onto it with some elegance, but still manage to land like an elephant. If i can get through the course and make the moves look effortless and graceful i'll be happy, but its hard to feel good when you are wearing lycra, and people have to watch you, lycra clad and smiling through the pain. If someone were to write me a nice big cheque i'd be straight down to american apparel to make up a trapeze outfit, i'd buy a gymnastics style leotard, running style shorts and really long socks so i can stop getting rope burn and bruises

If, by some miracle, i get amazingly good at trapeze and get to run away and join the circus, I will wear a dress because I'll be so good I'll know how not to get tangled up in it. Years ago I did ballet shows and had to wear some really awful dresses (polka dot hot pink flamenco dress one year-it was a bad day for me) but in amongst the dress horrors were some gems. My favorite was a pale mint green and white dress, the top was like a leotard but with a lace frill on the edge, and the skirt was layers and layers of tulle. If I ever become a world famous trapeze artist I will have an adult sized one made.
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